Maybe 

I revel in Shakespearean sonnets, soar over the possibilities of witchcraft and wizardry, distract the self from grim realities of everyday life, interrupt in self-indulgent fantasies,

You’ll find me scribbling something at the corner seats of pizza joints, clicking duck-face selfie with cappuccinos, lost completely in the world of words even as I travel thy world, have mastered the art of disguise, nailing those fake candids, fake laughter, painting that smile,

More often, I’m found looking fondly at my little library, sniffing the pages of my Tales of Beedle the Bard, sobbing over bigger infinities, looking for Alaska all the way through Paper towns, singing Titanium in closed rooms, swinging over the tunes of Sheeran, obsessing over incorrect use of language, fretting over blue ticks,empty inboxes, a hundred percent battery, I’m as fragile as glass,  rely on Coldplay to fix my broken pieces, always wondering why are Angry Birds so furious after all, trying to seize moments, freeze time, hoping to dominate thy muggle world,

My thoughts are darker than your Kohl, fantasies glossier than your nail color, and even as you’re (sometimes) bitter than my over-caffeinated drinks, I find myself steady in this alley they call life,

So, I flash my “close-up” smile with those Snapchat filters, trying to untangle both my curls and life, being a hypocrite, hurting, healing, swearing and sobbing through life, dancing over joys you call trivial, (secretly crushing over Farhan Akhtar), going insane, day by day, word by word, haunted by heartbreaks, endless regrets, infinite ‘what ifs’, 

Counting on the lights to guide me home, trusting the forces to shoot me down, believing in your love to keep me alive, 

I’m vulnerable, trusting, hanging on to the last thread of hope, Surrendering my soul to you, I’m readying myself for anything and everything

Yet another morrow ends, darkness dawns, birthing millions of stars,
Hovering over us as infinite possibilities,

Maybe, everything is possible. 🌸

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Unread.

In trivial monotony of everyday life,
You
Search
For
Someone
You
Won’t
Get
Bored
With

Why don’t you let in triumphant hearts with infinite stories, curious minds with adventorous spirits,
Broken hearts and endless love,
Meant for one,
Only one.
You.

Crack-up

In the midst of the chaotic indictments, accusations to break moral codes, laws, assurances, 
The liabilities to the moonless nights, foggy mornings, starry evenings,
The faults in our stars, the ache in our hearts, the full stops, overdose of painkillers, the shuddering silence, unrequited everything, forced laughter, stupidity of the self, souls who don’t want anything to do with thee,

I don’t know,
If this world,If these words,
Everything we carry on our shoulders,
Ever wanted to be a part of this puzzle,
Was it really meant for us to live in?

Here I am (again), Adams

Dearest Adams,

 I cannot recall when was it when I heard your first vocal, but I do remember how it went, and for a middle school child still struggling to make peace with a then-foreign language, the song had me on top of the world, and even as I was still in school, and the concept of colleges or graduating or job or lives in general, seemed but a distant dream, there was something, something in the summer of 69, something which made my head bang and feet move everytime I heard the familiar tunes, Jimmy quitting, Judy getting married, and you, slowly realising that it all won’t last forever, after all, That is the first song I heard in that language, followed only by the amazing backstreet boys, 
And it was then, when your were probably just fifty or something, you had earned another fan in the form of a little eleven year old who believe (d) in magic, and probably million others who not only acknowledged, but in fact, understood what you were trying to say all that while, 
And after all this while, Adams, loneliness became a friend to my elder self, and as my self slowly became numb, and surrendered itself to Linkin Park, Taylor, Coldplay and eventually settled at Sheeran, there never has come a time when I don’t find myself humming to any of your random verses, 
And you know, Adams, my love and fangirling for you has never hit a bump, much like many of the Masters of world of words as you, it has just grown more, and even as a few years back, when my Metallica geek friend got myself acquainted to the eroticism present in many of your songs, the love, the awe, the wonder for them has never wavered, and every time I hear someone with a ringtone of ‘here I am’ I smile and congratulate them on a good, nay, amazing taste in music.

Call me crazy, Adams, but I have spent a long time judging people on the basis of the art that heals their heart, the art that makes them feel, the art that turns them back to the vulnerable, trusting and fragile creatures that humans are, 
And I, Adams, am simply glad that my type of art has you, 

A gem, a true piece of gem,

And, 
In a world filled with despacito and swalla, All i wish to do is come back to you on the cloud number nine. 

And not even Ed driving at ninty, towards the castle on the hill can do what the ‘best days of your life’ do,

Happy fifty-eighth birthday, Adams,
And Thank you for being what you are, 

And all i know is, that i was not just dreaming, and that the world would never have been the same had i never found your cassettes in the old garage,
And i’m just thinking out loud,
But I know that,
when i’ll be standing on my mama’s porch, knowing, that it won’t last forever, I’ll still let somebody hold my hand, or maybe i’ll just try and hold a piece of the present present in front of me, or as Ed puts it, where our eyes are never closing, hearts are never broken, and time’s forever frozen and still,
And whatever’ll come, it’ll be alright,
..
There ain’ no place that i’d rather be,
And because of you,
Dearest,
I’ll just sit,
And wait,

And watch the world go blind 💕

Where am I 

In,
Locked doors, dim-lit rooms, lonely corridors, empty classrooms,
Dark skies, well-stacked libraries, abandoned corners, silent conversations, dubious escapes, broken hearts, ignorance, expectations, struggles of affection,
Formal handshakes, casual hugs, stolen glances, forced smiles, panic attacks, moments of thinking over and over, 
I’ve been trying to find myself,

In the same,

I fear,

I’ve lost myself. 

Silence.

But there’s this silence,
It has the strength,
To suffocate,
To silence,
To say everything,

See there’s happy facades, all those words that nobody means, all those worlds that do not exist, all that that never was, would never be, see there’s truth, hiding away behind illuminated lies,
See there’s affliction, affectionate and alive,
See there’s sadness, see how it sighs,
In the midst of a lonely ruin, it slowly cries,
And,There’s thy soul, sobbing no more,
It has surrendered at last,
Alas, silence has silenced.

i’ll listen

But, my dear, do you even know? have you ever put yourself out like that , made yourself that vulnerable, do you even know, how much that pains, the disappointments, the decisions, the lies, the hollowness, a vacuum inside thy heart, a screaming silence surrounds thy soul, and it feels that things will never be good again, and there’s abandonment, and silence, emptiness, and silence, the empty inboxes, the ‘no new messages’, the dim-lit rooms, the forbidden thoughts, the unending moments of nausea and nostalgia, and as you are puking your heart out, there are tears, tears of desperation, tears of loneliness, tears of hopelessness, tears of a person who’s giving in slowly, breaking down, bit by bit, moment by moment, person by person, tear by tear,
So, Do you even know? How that feels,  you become numb, nothing moves you, for you are so much done already you do not know how much can you take anymore, how much can the soul take, where do those limits end, when does the mind just burst away, take you with it, and be done with it,
just be done with it,
Get it over with,
For once, for all.

Yet you complain, my dear, that i do not talk, do not share, what do you want to know, i wonder, what exactly, is it, that  would put some relief in your ears,

Would it be if i tell you the lesser known tale of nineteenth October, two thousand and ten, do you know what happened that day? no,? Well, that’d be the day i lost my faith in probably a dozen things existing in the world, but you know what happens to hurt me the most, how i never got to say goodbye, you want to know how i found a man i knew and loved dead and cold lying on my terrace, how being twelve and dumb, i did not realize what had happened, and in my fear and desperation, i, i threw some water over his corpse, do you want to know how i screamed and shouted in horror as i realised what had happened, how it was never going to be the same again, how his voice was lost, for ever, and it seemed so weird, so unreal, so ruthless, i did not know what to do, and i remember as i ran downstairs for help, i was not crying, i had to be strong, just for then, i remember telling myself, it’ll be alright, bad things do not happen to good people, it is not what you are thinking it is,
I did not cry when the people from the hospital declared he was dead, did not cry when i saw people who i knew and loved breaking down in the middle of a normal, beautiful October day,  I was allowed to break down when they took him away, and his blue eyes and white hair are the only thing i remember now,  i never got to know his story, never lived enough with him, never talked enough, and now, when it’s been five years and i remember nothing but the beautiful October day of that year, I do not know what to do, It’s all in the past, that’s what they’ll tell me, I realise that,  well, spoiler alert,
It still hurts,

Would you like to know a similar kind of thing happened this summer too? I was younger before, younger and stupid, I was older now, older, aware, and yes, of course, stupid, and this time too, there was a human lying in front of my eyes, another someone i know, i love, not breathing, you know how that feels? i hope you don’t, i hope nobody has to feel that way, it hurts, and this time too, there was a hospital, and there was waiting, and i remember something i thought in the emergency department of the hospital, the patient is indeed the most relaxed out of all, for the unconsciousness protects him/her from the waiting, the wondering, the fear,
This time too, they told me, how brave i had been, how strong a soul they find me,
See, everybody asked if i was doing fine, i was, of course,
But fine isn’t exactly fine, not with me, at least,
But of course,
How would they know,

Would you like to know of the endless discussions i have with people who wish to see my awkward face every single day, who try and force me to stay for ever, who promise me forever and always, and lately, i have begun to realise the futility of these promises, these words we tell each others to calm each others down, but what’s even the use,
Would we ever win the tale against time, if it were possible, if it were to make us immortal then it would have been saying something but since it doesn’t, it doesn’t make sense, or, well, maybe it does, but it just makes it sadder, word by word,
How do you propose me to stay, i do not have anything left, not anymore, it has never felt home and i doubt it ever will, what would i even do then, you’ll leave when you get bored anyway, what will i do then,

And every time you accuse me of sadness, of despair, of overthinking, you push me away into silence, The thoughts i do have would never stop, they are limitless. and i would rather have them that way,
But every time you force me to find a way out to your happiness, you yourself build back a barrier,

I mean, it makes sense to me, you do not want me ruining your happy days or life or memories, and it is okay, i won’t, i would never, But, then, you do not need to send my way all those lies and promises if you do not even mean them, It is okay,
really it is,

I’m now known to talk less, anyway,

you tell me what you wish to talk about, I’ll be here,
I’ll lock away my lonely words and beaten up reveries, paint a smile,

and when i’ll sit with you,

I swear, I will sit earnestly,
I’ll be there,

wherever you’d want me to be, I’ll know,
I’ll know, I’ll understand,

slowly, but eventually,

whenever you want,

wherever you need,

whatever you need to vent about, anything at all,

i’ll be here,

I’ll listen.