As I sit under a state of deliberate motion, Taylor Swift screams in my head all the tales of how she knows since yesterday, everything has changed, but you are wrong my dear, you are extremely completely wrong. It’s been 18 years, 4 months and sixteen days you know, and it is all still the same. The same sickening feeling over and over, the same agony that makes you want to kill yourself, the same failure, the same thing you feel when you are getting rejected over and over, over and over,… And it’s crazy,.. crazy how at times, when you are fucking feeling this, no song, no soul, no food, no temptation finds it way to redeem your self. And what’s even more crazy is how desperate the child inside you is for a tight, warm hug, to be told that it is going to be all okay, even as you know it’s not,.. that this whole shit-hole you are a part of has made you realise that the broken pieces never really do heal, and you are in a constant sense of dilemma, of life, of love, of means of escape, of another day of playing (and losing) the same game,
You know at times I wonder how different I could have turned out if I had just not been so strong before, you are not always supposed to be taking every chance that comes in your way, right ? And, but, of course, as they say, none of our choices are of that utmost importance either, we are not in a ‘do-or-die’ scenario, we haven’t seen the great depression either, or the revolt of 1857, or Apollo’s landing on the moon, or anything that has made it to our history textbooks,.. we’re just a generation of millennials, and how we know nothing but swiping right/left, texting, putting earphones in our ears to do away the reality , live in our own fantasies, and of course, engage in what I am a part of right now, adolescent agonizing.
And probably we are, probably we are, and as I think about it, I see no reason why the generation is considered to be dumb and trivial.
We have nobody to look upto , from the beginning we are told never to trust strangers, we live in a constant fear of how an outsider can tear our whole life apart, how the world is selfish and strange, and how there are no good people left, and if you will be good, people won’t hesitate for a single moment to take an advantage of yours,
How our families aren’t our friends, how being bullied by them is perfectly alright because that’s what they do, we grow up thinking to change the world, to make it a better place to live in, we live under the impression for a good whole decade of our life, optimistic and enthusiastic, we take an almost unbearable burden on our shoulders, and we cannot wait to get started, that’s my moment, the world might not know of my name, but well, at least nobody will be afraid to trust others anymore,… We graduate in this simply perfect illusion, and the next you know, you are a part of the thousands aspiring for a better job, you have no time for your rantings, to sit and relax, to be, to not to be, we live in houses, not homes, and we always get this burning sensation as we watch a soul oblivious to the *ways of this world* flash their teeth in front of our eyes, we got nobody to look up to, we don’t want to do the same to those and that too with no fault of their own, and we see no harm in being too hard on ourselves, the things we believe in stay, the belief doesn’t, mocked at and criticised, we learn to stay silent, we fight for a while for what we believe to be true, and as the voices echo at the empty corridors, so does die down the spirit, we become a part of yet another tradition that has forgotten to live, we preach, we breathe, we exist,..
We don’t criticize you for what you do, for the cliché norms, for the infinite of traditions you follow, nor do we label you under years of self-sufficient tags, … We don’t blame you for this,.. we don’t make you want to kill yourself,
Please, just for a change,.. shut up.
~ the dreamer you have killed.
Ps: I give up.