i observe the man walking, he beckons me to listen, don’t walk around at this time of the day, says the fifty year old acquaintance, thinks for a minute, ‘beta’, adds uncertainly, i watch him walk away, then get down to my own business, thank you for caring sir, thank you very much, but won’t it be nicer to stop teaching me to live in a state of constant fear, he observes me walking, with a nasty grin on his face, the man who stares at me shamelessly, over and over, for weeks it goes, i stare back one day, with my usual gaze, his eyes finally find another face, troubles another soul till she locks or hang herself in her room, I do not need you to drop me home, take your chivalry and get lost, i would not mind paying for the coffee, you want me to carry those bricks? Sure!, just let me keep my phone in the pocket, let’s do it then,
One day a thought springs in my mind, a general wondering, wow, i mutter, there would be so much i would never do because you do not allow it, the clothes i would never wear, or phrases i would never use, or things i would decline to know about , you would see me walking by one day, sitting on your throne of manhood, your masculinity as a crown, surrounded by your goons of asshole-hood, O, I am sorry, am I not allowed to use the term?
You would get it all easy, the new bike, the tickets to the late night concert, money for bars, permissions for outstation trips, you would go out, have fun, fool around, enjoy owing to the continuing customs, all written down in history, while i would sit back, learning to turn a house into a home, My idea of fun would include a tv series to watch, a bucket of popcorn (that would be snatched away, exchanged for a handful of sprouts), ugly christmas sweaters, polka dot pajamas and a bottle of coke,
Someday you would find my joke a little too funny, you would approach me with your ‘Look at these shiny white teeth’ smile, I would not care, too busy in my girl-gang, you would not give in, ask for my hand, the parents would say yes, both get what they desire, too busy to listen what the kid desires, but you want to propose still? Go on, You trick me to the central park, make me stand in between a bush of roses, the thorns would hurt me, but why do you care?, you play the first song that’d have come on google search list, you get down on the knees, your jeans getting dirtier in the open ground, but it does not reek as much as your mindset, look, here’s a diamond ring, what do you say? , a whole life of waking next to me shining my teeth for this diamond ring, seems legit? I smile, back away, keep a distance from your male ego, you get up, what’s wrong babe,
Babe! Grow up you piece of shit, I still say nothing, back away a little more, shake my head and smile, “he’s the best chance you can get you moron!”, i hear voices behind, but they are a thing of distant past now, you would run after me, perhaps, pleading, shouting, screaming words of insult, i still don’t care, stop whining you idiot, what makes you think i care?
Guiltless, regretless, I walk away, with angry mutterings and unending conversations,
Go on! Talk about the stupid girl who kicked her future away, come, try to insult me, what makes you think i won’t smile and strangle you in a second?, do you think me to be non-violent, i have not said a single word in the whole of the story, Not that you care either, what makes you think i will not boil you with my pasta?
My story ain’t got a voice or a platform, But you ain’t getting it either, i refuse to be an inspiration of any kind, human nature, you moron, they don’t like something, they move away from it,
” I live, alone, loveless, and away, yet hold a better future than i could ever with you”